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[what is this feeling] open Dec 27, 2015 19:58:29 GMT

Post by feeling kinda blue on Dec 27, 2015 19:58:29 GMT

Mindless chatter circulated through the WindClan camp, filtering between warriors and apprentices as they ebbed and flowed like the tide around the clearing. Outside of her den Redstar laid in the sun discussing patrols with Swiftfoot. Around the nursery kits tumbled about in the dust under the watchful eyes of tutting queens. Elders groaned about aching joints and useless apprentices, pelts warmed by the springtime sun. Near the freshkill pile a pair of apprentices were wrestling over a mouse, sheathed paws lashing out harmlessly as their giggles spiraled through the air. A warm breeze blew from the south, washing the scent of blooming heather over the airy camp while a stunningly blue sky loomed overhead promising a clear night full of stars. Three warriors trickled out of camp to hunt while Swiftfoot left Redstar to round up a hunting party. One of the playing kits squealed in pain when a bigger kit pounced on it, a tittering queen abandoning her gossiping friends to attend to the problem.

All of these things happened in sync with one another, life flowing around the camp in the steady, predictable rhythm that lulled so many into a false sense of security. Ravengaze watched it all, his lamp-like yellow eyes tracking his clanmates from his post as guard. He had a direct line of sight to Redstar's den, the camp entrance and the nursery while the elder's den and medicine cat's den were tucked in the very corners of his vision. The longhaired black tom had been sitting in this spot since just after dawn, plume of a tail curled neatly over his paws, ears up and back straight. His black pelt shone like raven feathers in the afternoon sun but Ravengaze made no inclination that he wanted to move to the shade. In fact, he gave little inclination that his muscles were stiff from sitting so long or that his stomach was growling each time an apprentice walked by with a squirrel or mouse to munch on. Ravengaze did not mind these sensations that made other cats so uncomfortable. Being still had afforded Ravengaze one wonderful freedom, a freedom that kept him still despite the hours ticking by and his physical discomfort: invisibility.

Having been left unmoving for so long the warrior had essentially vanished in the eyes of his clanmates. Warriors and apprentices walked right past Ravengaze, chattering loudly about training or lessons or chores. They paid no mind to the guard because Ravengaze might as well have been a shadow. No one paid attention to what did not hustle and bustle, to what did not move. Many of these cats had woken with Ravengaze already at his post and were used to the black tom being one of the camp guards, as it was his normal assignment from Redstar or Swiftfoot. They paid no heed to him. So long as he was still, all was well. The things that brought Ravengaze to motion, the scent of blood or enemies on the wind, those things he guarded against...so long as Ravengaze remained still, all was well.

As he sat, the black tom watched, not for the rustle of brush or shadow of approaching enemies but instead he watched the life of his clanmates. Ravengaze's amber eyes tracked an apprentice carrying a rabbit toward the medicine cat's den, limbs loose of tension and eyes lit up with youthful happiness. They were favoring their right back leg, not heavily but as though they had taken a tumble during training. It was smart to take an offering of food if you had to see the medicine cat...Ravengaze had to commend the apprentice for their forward thinking before letting his gaze drift away to the kits tumbling around outside of the nursery. In another life Ravengaze couldn't help but think he would have liked kits. They were playful and usually sweet natured, or at least they looked it. Now though they just made him think of Blossompaw and her abandonment. They'd talked about kits once...Watching the ones by the nursery Ravengaze could still see it in his mind's eye, bundles of black and grey with her pretty green eyes...

A muscle twitched in Ravengaze's jaw and a bitter taste gathered at the back of his mouth. Clenching his jaw, Ravengaze looked away from the kits. If his tail twitched to cover his unsheathed claws then no one would notice.

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[what is this feeling] open Jan 4, 2016 1:47:52 GMT

Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2016 1:47:52 GMT

It was a warm afternoon, the remaining hints of winter melting away as spring settled in. The pleasant weather seemed to bring with it a similarly cheerful atmosphere, as the clan stopped fretting over shortages of food and illnesses spreading through camp. The day was a relaxed one; friends gathered together, laughing and conversing over shared pieces of prey. Several apprentices were out in the territory training with their mentors as well, and as Badgernose returned to camp, she was relieved to see that her sister, Ravenpaw, was one of them. With the relief came a twinge of guilt, but Badgernose couldn't help but feel thankful that she wouldn't have to face the other she-cat for now. It'd been easier to avoid her before, when Badgernose could pretend that Ravenpaw had somehow stolen their parents' love from her, but Heronstrike's death a month ago had clearly affected her, and with their mother gone, her sister's care felt more like Badgernose's responsibility.

Her jaws were firmly clamped around a hare, the results of a short hunting trip on her own. The hare was a relatively plump one as well as young and healthy, and it would likely make a good meal for someone. The she-cat made her way to the prey pile, weaving between groups of both apprentices and warriors who were chattering among themselves and pretending she didn't miss the times when she'd had her own close group of friends. Badgernose paused for a moment as two apprentices tumbled in front of her, play-fighting, before carefully stepping around them and dropping the hare with the other pieces of prey. The pile was a satisfyingly large size and noticeably bigger than it had been a month ago.

Badgernose turned away from the pile, standing still for a moment as she thought of what to do next. There weren't any friends for her to seek out and enjoy the sun's rays with, and she briefly considered going hunting by herself again. She dismissed the idea, however, as a wave of frustration washed over her. There was no good reason for her to spend a warm spring day like this in solitude as always, and the thought armed her with some semblance of courage. She looked back at the prey pile, studying it for a minute, before grabbing a small, brown-feathered bird. As Badgernose straightened up, her gaze flit around the camp, searching for a clanmate who was alone like her, someone she could approach.

Her sight landed on a black-furred tom sitting outside of the groups gathered in the center of camp. She vaguely recognized him as Ravengaze, a tom she'd passed by countless times before yet never really noticed. If it was an average day, then he'd likely already been sitting and guarding the camp for several hours. He could use a break, Badgernose thought to herself as she maneuvered between her clanmates to where her target was sitting. She began to regret the decision, though, once she started nearing him, though by the time her steps started faltering and she was thinking about turning back, she was already directly in front of him.

Badgernose laid the bird on the ground between them hesitantly. "Would you..." She started, but her voice came out too softly, and she retried. "Would you like some prey to eat?" The she-cat shifted nervously, trying to the resist the urge to turn around and leave before Ravengaze answered.

notes: sorry she's so awkward haha i didn't know how to get her to approach him

Last Edit: Jan 4, 2016 1:50:45 GMT by Deleted

feeling kinda blue

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[what is this feeling] open Jan 4, 2016 23:19:22 GMT

Post by feeling kinda blue on Jan 4, 2016 23:19:22 GMT

An argument between two apprentices near the elder's den caught Ravengaze's eye, dragging his focus away from the nursery. All the better for it because as he watched the two young toms bicker over who should do what chores, Ravengaze felt the tension leaking from his muscles. His claws sheathed themselves and gradually the black tom sank back into his usual numbness, amber eyes tracking the movements of busy cats running crisscross through the camp. For a moment his light gaze paused on the figure of a black and white she-cat carrying prey into camp. Badgernose his mind chirped, a cat he seldom spoke to but had seen often enough. She was a young warrior, relatively new if Ravengaze's memory was right. He usually slid away from naming cermeonies, be they for apprentices or warriors. Apprentice ceremonies might lead to him actually being responsible for another little scrap of fur and to be honest Ravengaze hadn't had the heart for it recently. Maybe someday but Raincloud was still a new warrior and there were younger warriors, like Badgernose, that could use a first apprentice. Despite Badgernose being mostly uninteresting the black tom found his gaze lingering this time in lazy passes as she crossed camp to leave prey on the freshkill pile. He wasn't sure why she caught his interest today until the young she-cat picked a bird from the pile and, instead of heading to eat alone or meet a friend, she walked toward him. Curiosity had the tip of his tail twitching a bit before he could smother it.

Most cats in WindClan generally avoided Ravengaze, accepting his usual silence as bad temper or sourness. Really though Ravengaze appreciated silence in a way many in the clan did not. They kept busy with their running here and there, doing this task and that chore, filling the air with meaningless chatter and deceitful gestures of goodwill meant to bring heartache. Ravengaze had let himself be fooled with Blossompaw, been charmed by her chatter and bubbling storytelling. He'd thought her sweet and kind, animated and full of light. In the blink of an eye she was gone, abandoning the clan like it didn't ever matter to her one bit how anyone felt when she left. Just thinking about it made the old wound sting, one normally festering with anger and frustration but...watching out of the corner of his eye as Badgernose slowly make her way toward him Ravengaze couldn't help but feel lonely. Nightstrike and Owleyes tried to be good company but even his brothers were getting frustrated with Ravengaze's silence and...maybe Ravengaze was too. But watching how his clanmates shouted and laughed at the drop of a leaf...it was daunting. He was not extroverted like so many of them. It made this hard, between his natural quiet nature and the sting of Blossompaw's abandonment. However, when Badgernose got close enough Ravengaze let his amber eyes drift over to her, his tail swaying in silent greeting. Maybe he was getting better...

'Would you...Would you like some prey to eat?'

If Ravengaze wasn't used to keeping a stoic face he might have smiled at Badgernose's meek manner. Her voice was soft, not unpleasant to listen to and certainly not screeching like so many she-cats in the clan. He couldn't blame her for the nervous shake in her voice, many cats spoke like that to him. Apparently quietness coupled with his dark pelt, size and light amber eyes made others wary. Kits practically thought he was a monster to come gobble them up if they didn't behave while apprentices just thought he looked scary. Still, Badgernose had to be a little gutsy to at least approach a warrior she seldom dealt with in a social setting. It didn't hurt either that Ravengaze's belly squirmed, the tempting smell of prey tickling his nose.

Dipping his head, Ravengaze knew he should smile to put her at ease. He should twitch his whiskers or ears...something to let her know he wasn't made of stone...For the first time in a while he wanted to but the motion of offering her a small smile felt rusty. Clearly he hadn't made the expression in a while. "Thank you," he said, his voice naturally soft and deep like dark velvet. A moment of hesitation gripped him as he carefully settled into a crouch with his legs tucked under his black bulk. He longed to stretch luxuriously and work the kinks from his muscles but Badgernose looked like any sudden movement might spook her and she was the first one to talk to him all day. So, he settled with making himself slightly smaller before saying, "Would you like to share it?" He touched the bird with his nose, nudging it just lightly toward her. "Good company is hard to find."

As he waited for her to reply, Ravengaze couldn't help but hope Nightstrike and Owleyes stayed out of camp and didn't see this. They'd do nothing but hound him for why he was talking to a cat that wasn't them or Blossompaw. Frankly Ravengaze couldn't give much of an answer other than Badgernose looked earnest in her own way and...not like she wanted to just waste his time.

Notes: oh my goodness he likes her
Word count: 873
Tagged: @rain

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[what is this feeling] open Jan 9, 2016 23:22:14 GMT

Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2016 23:22:14 GMT

Badgernose settled for backing away a couple steps after presenting the prey, instead of full-on fleeing from the other cat. As she waited for Ravengaze's response, she tried to relax a bit. Her fear was ridiculous, she told herself, but she still felt awkward under the tom's amber gaze. She'd never been good at this, talking to new people, or talking in general, and it didn't help that she'd chosen to start a conversation with a tom who seemed to intimidate a good portion of the clan. Badgernose had to admit that she had speculated before about Ravengaze and his silence, heard whispers of rumors of what had happened with him in the moons before she'd been born, though she supposed that she had no right, since she seldom spoke as well but mainly because it was none of her business. She didn't like others making assumptions about her own life — people who thought they knew more than she did about her parents' grief for Brightkit, other warriors thinking her ungrateful when she hadn't mourned long enough after her mother's death — and so she tried to keep herself from assuming things about Ravengaze.

Her string of thoughts ended once the other tom spoke, breaking the momentary quiet. ~~"Thank you."~~ With the words came a small smile that seemed odd and somewhat strained, as if he wasn't used to making one, and it occurred to her that this was one of the first times she'd seen him make any kind of facial expression. ~~"Would you like to share it? Good company is hard to find."~~ Ravengaze's response was surprisingly normal, though Badgernose knew it had been absurd for her to have expected otherwise. She'd had little expectations for the encounter, so she felt considerably calmer as it proved itself to be going much better than she'd thought.

"Uh, yes, sure," Badgernose replied, offering a smile back to him. She realized that she was still standing, tensed, as if prepared to flee from him, and she willed herself to relax as she moved slightly closer. The she-cat crouched down, matching her clanmate's position, and her tail moved to curl around her side. She eyed the bird between them before resolving to wait for Ravengaze to take the first bite, and turned her attention back to him as she attempted to think of something she could say to make small talk. The first topic her mind landed on was the weather. It was a mundane subject, but it was something, and she didn't think to stop and find another topic before she started speaking. "So, the weather is pleasant, isn't it?" Even as Badgernose spoke, she tried not to cringe at the sound of her own voice, rushed as if she was trying to get out every word at once.

She shut her mouth before she could start rambling instead, and broke her eye contact with Ravengaze to stare at the bird in front of her, hoping that the tom was better at conversation than she was.

notes: aa sorry this took a while

feeling kinda blue

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[what is this feeling] open Jan 10, 2016 0:14:38 GMT

Post by feeling kinda blue on Jan 10, 2016 0:14:38 GMT

Unease was not new to Ravengaze. He both felt and observed it on a daily basis. Even when he was a new apprentice everyone seemed to know to leave him alone, to not bother asking if he would join some meaningless game or partake in a pitiful attempt at nursery rebellion. It wasn't necessarily because Ravengaze thought himself superior to such interactions but because he did not understand them. What was the point of a game if everyone would just get too distracted to finish? Or someone might be hurt unnecessarily? What was the point of 'rebelling' in the nursery when the bigger and older queens could put an end to such things with pitiful ease? Thus apparently Ravengaze had missed a step in clan life. He faltered...stumbled and never quite recovered. The refusal of nursery games had been the start of Ravengaze's personal exile, personal exclusion from the ebb and flow of life in WindClan.

Apprenticeship had brought no improvement, the games getting wilder and the drama mounting as young toms tried to woo their she-cat denmates with foolish feats of strength, fighting and hunting. It was foolish in Ravengaze's mind because they were all so painfully young. He saw the shadows in the eyes of older warriors and knew a change would come during apprenticeship, a darkening. But all around him other apprentices laughed and played, flirted and flaunted. Near the end of it all Blossompaw had taken the first step, the first sign someone wanted to drag Ravengaze back into the flow of clan life. She talked, whether he did or not. She refused to play unless he did. Nothing bad had happened yet, no mysterious darkening so...Ravengaze had relaxed. It had been a mistake of course. Ravengaze's darkening had come and it had stayed this time. Now, watching Badgernose, all tense and frightened...Ravengaze hated the darkening for the first time. It constricted his throat and kept him silent...kept him tucked off to the side like a silent monster guarding the camp to gobble up those who were disobedient. He felt a tiny bit shameful for looking so frightening and attempted to relax his posture, keen eyes watching as Badgernose gradually did the same.

'So, the weather is pleasant, isn't it?'

Ravengaze reached forward and delicately took a bite of the offered bird, his amber gaze flicking back to Badgernose as he swallowed. Her tension was back, crawling along her shoulders and down her spine. She wouldn't meet his gaze, though that wasn't unusual. She looked as though she expected him to bite her tail off. The sour taste was back in Ravengaze's mouth but he tried to swallow it back with his bite of the bird.

"I won't hurt you. Despite popular opinion," Ravengaze said after a moment of letting silence settle between them. "And I doubt you find the weather that interesting."

Such petty things cats liked to talk about...weather and prey and passing gossip. It was annoying. Ravengaze cared little for weather or patrol routes or petty queen gossip. Although...now that he had said something the black tom had the feeling he'd said it poorly. Badgernose would probably be offended or feel rebuked by his words...His tail curled around him as he waited for her to get up and leave.

Notes: awkward raven is awkward
Word count: 560
Tagged: @rain

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[what is this feeling] open Jan 10, 2016 6:49:47 GMT

Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2016 6:49:47 GMT

Badgernose kept her gaze focused on the bird and studied it for several moments, taking note of its ruffled feathers and dark markings as if the piece of prey she'd picked for eating was the most fascinating thing in the world. She couldn't remember the name of the bird, just that it was a common one. The she-cat stopped thinking about the bird once Ravengaze entered her line of vision again as he reached to take a bite out of the prey animal, and her eyes reverted back to watching him.

~~"I won't hurt you. Despite popular opinion."~~ She felt her face growing warm under her fur, embarrassed that Ravengaze had seen her fear. It'd likely been obvious, displayed clearly in her body posture, but she'd still hoped that he'd somehow miss it. It was almost ludicrous how frightened she was of talking to people, and she had always prayed that no one would notice it. She felt somewhat guilty as well, and she briefly wondered what it was like to have kits frightened of him because of his silence. Badgernose was quiet, too, but she was seen as shy, not strange or scary. She opened her mouth to deny it, to tell him that she wasn't worried about him, which would be a lie, but before she could, he spoke again. ~~"And I doubt you find the weather that interesting."~~ Her mouth snapped shut. Clearly the weather had been the wrong thing to mention, which was ironic, really, since it was usually a safe topic to bring up in small talk.

Badgernose tried not to physically shrink away from him, though the idea of running was a very tempting one again. The conversation had gone well for about a minute before she'd somehow made the mistake of talking about the weather. She knew she was probably overreacting, but the thought was faint and fleeting as she continued to overreact. She'd offended him — he probably had some kind of principle that said he wasn't allowed to speak about things like the weather, and she'd messed up and mentioned it. Why had she thought that the weather would be a good topic?

"I, uh." She tried to form a sentence when it occurred to her that she'd only been staring at him for the past several seconds, which was likely not the correct response to someone saying something. "I guess not. I don't know. It seemed..." She trailed off, unsure of how to finish the thought. This definitely wasn't going well anymore, and although the easiest option seemed to be leaving, Badgernose figured that abruptly standing and walking away would make things worse. It would be outright rude, and she couldn't stand the thought of mishandling the encounter even further. She couldn't remain still, however, and she decided on sitting up instead. Badgernose wasn't particularly hungry anymore, but her gaze dropped down again to the bird, or at least the remaining part of it. She found herself returning to studying it again, preferring it to looking at Ravengaze after what he'd said. The bird had a dark beak, and its legs were relatively long.

She pretended to be absorbed in studying at the bird, her tail twitching nervously behind her as she waited for his reply.

feeling kinda blue

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[what is this feeling] open Jan 17, 2016 0:12:12 GMT

Post by feeling kinda blue on Jan 17, 2016 0:12:12 GMT

Amber eyes focused on the dead bird laying near Ravengaze's paws. He didn't want to look up and put a face to Badgernose's stammering. It unnerved him a bit, how she struggled. She was like the rest of them, quaking in their fur, she was just incapable of hiding her shaking. In a way Ravengaze almost felt bad for making her so uncomfortable but there was a bitter part of him that blamed her for it. What was so wrong with him that had her shaking in her fur and tripping over her words? Then again...kits and apprentices usually had similar reactions. It had always been like this though, ever since he was a kit. Ravengaze and social interactions never ended well, because of things like this. He offended his clanmates, upset their sensitive sensibilities with the flick of a tail. It was amazing how quickly their whiskers bent out of shape over a rebuke or honest reply to a question. Badgernose was no better than the rest despite her youth and gentle appearance.

'Well,' Ravengaze thought, watching a gentle breeze ruffle the feathers on the dead bird's wing, 'let her be that way. It's no fur off my back.'

"Thank you for the bird," Ravengaze said at last as the silence stretched between them. Licking his lips the tom dipped his head in Badgernose but didn't bother looking her in the eye. Instead, the black longhaired tom got to his feet. "If you'll excuse me. My sentry shift is over."

Leaving the rest of the bird for Badgernose, Ravengaze skirted around the young she-cat and made a bee-line for the camp entrance. He made an effort to not look hurried, walking at an even pace and keeping his eyes focused on the camp entrance. He felt as though he'd swallowed ashes and somewhere he was sure Blossompaw was laughing at him. Laughing at his social fumbling. At how stuck he was on her. Nightstrike and Owleyes would probably howl with laughter if they saw that little exchange. They'd probably soil themselves laughing watching Ravengaze stride away with his tail in a kink but the black tom couldn't make himself care enough to turn around and spit out an insincere apology to Badgernose so he stuck to his plan and slid out of the camp entrance.

'I don't know why I bother to open my mouth some days,' Ravengaze thought absently as he picked his way down a slight slope away from camp.

Notes: raven...is a huff monster today and this is terribly short for how long you waited for it i'm so sorry...badger is free to run after him if she wants, though i don't think she will..
Word count: 445
Tagged: @rain